Running Low

(The above photos have nothing, and everything, to do with home school, they all show what we do at home, what we juggle daily.)

I love homeschooling, sometimes. But lately not so much. To be completely honest with you we're all struggling. And it feels a bit like we've been struggling the whole year. Lots of procrastination, lots of switching things up- trying to find things that work, and lots of ideas that don't seem to work. LOTS of web searches trying to find answers, solutions, inspiration.

Now I'm not saying this year has been a total bust, and I should probably cut myself some slack- it's only my second year with Owen (3rd grade), and the first with the girls (6th and 9th). And there's a learning curve I'm sure I still need to master. And a rhythm and groove we haven't found.  Things with Owen have been slow and steady, but we're hitting a road block and he is fighting me at every turn. The girls are still learning how to not be in school, and testing the limits on what they can get away with NOT doing. (Not the best idea for a high school-er, where her grades and transcripts matter if she wants to go on to college.)

We've gone through this pretty regularly since oh November, so it's not just Spring/cabin fever. I'm not sure if they feel as if they're struggling, and as the teacher, and the mom, the one who is held accountable, I sure am. Struggling with the decision, struggling with feelings of failure, struggling with what to do about it all.

Things I've tried, thought about, and wonder about-

curriculum from text books

curriculum from websites (the have it all ones)

units

self-directed learning

making my own curriculum 

letting go completely

unschooling

getting the kids involved in the process

what they "would/should" be learning in public school

concentrating on their interests

rewards/consequences for getting work done, in a timely matter

badgering, nagging, pleading, yelling, crying

Things I haven't tried, or am afraid to try-

unschooling

field trips

homeschool groups

letting go

Why I haven't for some of these- unschooling- because I know my kids and they would spend the time playing computer games all day long (and not the ones where they learn anything) or on facebook/quotev/rpg games. Because I'm not sure if they'll someday return to the public school scene and I don't want them to fall behind. Because I'm really not sure how to- they say kids are always learning, but learning skills that'll help them in life is questionable. I trust this thought process for younger children (kinder and under, maybe up to 1st/2nd grade), but after a certain age I don't know how they'd learn things like Algebra, advanced Biology or multiplication/division in everyday life. Maybe it's me, and I don't have enough interest to always sit and look the info up with my kids (interest, time, motivation, desire). I also feel it's incredibly important for them to learn to to the research/work- I love doing it myself, for my interests, and want them to be able to find it themselves.  Field trips- until recently there really hasn't been much to do around here, other than the library and a single state park, there was nothing for a good 45 minutes that, I feel, has any real learning value. Now we have Discovery Park of America, and I so want to take them, it's a real asset to home education and the community. BUT, yes I have a but as always, it's not affordable to us. For me and the payable (age wise) kids it'd cost us $75+ per visit, and a they don't have yearly passes for families- I'd have to buy individual passes for each, at a cost of $300+. Too much for our budget. Home school groups- now I'm not opposed to participating in one, or more, but there's only one in this area, and it's a Christian based one (for Pagans this is not attractive). Letting go- I'm responsible, as the teacher, the mother, the administrator, for their education, and that's a big thing. No one wants to raise children who can't contribute to society, who can't better their lives (past the parents' point).  It's a big weight on all parents shoulders, homeschoolers or not. So to completely let go and give up, would be irresponsible.

Why don't I just send them back to public school, this seems to overwhelm me so much?

For Owen, it's really not an option- the public schools can't, or won't, meet his needs (too advanced to be in special ed classes, behavioral issues they won't address, except with a paddle, and "not enough funds" to get him the support he needs). For the girls- I've been in middle school myself, watched my eldest 2 daughters struggle through it and don't want to put my youngest 2 daughter through it ever. And high school here has way too much to do with social lives than school. And really for both I don't want my girls to just learn how to take tests (standardized) but to learn to learn and love to learn! And I'm not a quitter, I have to try something through to the end, and find a successful (for me) way to meet my goal, I know I can do this. WE can do this, I just may need to stop putting the round peg in the square hole.

So what now?

Well today I don't honestly know. For today make it through the lessons and not give up. Not be beat down by the procrastination, the temper tantrums, the refusals. (Yes I'm guilty of giving up- I get overwhelmed by the opposition, and fighting, and don't, can't battle them, and myself sometimes, without throwing in the flag. I've been doing this a bit too often lately.) Keep looking for a solution. Maybe reach out and contact another homeschooling mom, that has experience, and insight I don't, for advice or ideas. And remember not to beat myself up too much.

And keep in the front of my mind THIS is important to me, to them. I want to enjoy it, I want them to enjoy it. We're new to this, and it's a learning curve. We have ups and downs. We WILL find our groove, what works for each of them, and we will make strides. Eventually. But it doesn't have to be today. 

Home Improvement

Excuse my house in all it's glory. Yes sometimes it really looks like this. Even if these are old photos from when we first moved in. Hey! I'm keeping it real.

This is home. Has been since last August. We'd hoped to be moving from here soon (this Spring actually), but we're in a holding pattern (till at least the end of May, maybe all the way to the end of July). We've tossed around a lot of thoughts, plans, hopes. But have finally come to a conclusion that makes sense, and gives me a feeling of some stability. Financially, and security. We'll be staying here till then, maybe a little longer. Maybe shorter. But I can make some plans, and some improvements. Because honestly, this space was seen as temporary, and so was organized as such. It's not working. But it can.

We've got plans for this space, and we need to make them work, and get it done. On a deadline.

First off, replacing the original carpet. Yes this carpet was installed when they built this place. And being this is a weekly rental, you can imagine how bad the carpet is. We won't go barefoot, or even just in stocking feet- our feet turn black and stick, especially bad when it's humid. Chris made a deal with the manager that if they supplied the flooring, he'd put it in. Wood vinyl flooring it it! He's already completed the hall (original seen above, updated pictures in a later post- when it's all finished!). And was planning on starting the living room this weekend, but a leaky washer has postponed that plan. (Hoping the washer is an easy fix.) IF there's enough (and he's pretty sure there will be) we'll be doing the small bedroom too. It will look sooo nice, and be nice to not wear shoes all.the.time.

The easiest project, but also the longest awaited one, is a bedroom door on the smallest bedroom (currently shared by the youngest 3 boys). We've been waiting on this since we moved in, but Chris has lit a fire under their bottoms. When this comes in, there will be a big room switch. We will move into the small and the boys into ours. (The other bedroom in the above photos). This idea works because during the day the boys can only play in the living room (this kills me) because their room is so small (no floor space). And Chris sleeps in ours. We don't need the space of the bigger room, the boys do. Not nearly as many toys in my living room- my bonus! (I'm not naive enough to believe there will be none, but less is more!)

After those are said and done, we'll move on to others. (Those are just the biggest, hopefully the rest will fall into place after.) Organization of the rest of the house is a biggie. A bit of paint- if it's in our budget. And furniture- primarily made from recycled pallets- to be built.  The glass cabinets, well the glass, are being removed. I will be replacing the glass with fabric. Two reasons: 1- the glass isn't very secure in the doors, and there's been 3 that have fallen out (twice on top of kids heads, luckily they didn't break. THIS is why I don't do glass around kids, remnant of an incident when my brother was 2.) The 2nd- it'll give a bit more separation to the living room/kitchen area (I hate the open floor plan). Screens and curtains, are on the list.  And container gardens, not nearly what we've done in the past, but hopefully it'll give us some supplement, a project to get the kids involved in, and some greening of our "yard",

Pallets will have a big role in our improvements. Hopefully we can find more than plenty. Here's a few ideas:

-couch
-bunk beds (full under twin) for the girls
-kitchen island
-headboard for our bed
-planters
-book cases


I'll absolutely be doing update blogs, as we go. Hoping they aren't too few and far between. That'd mean we weren't making progress. I need progress. (Haha)

This is home for a bit longer, and it's time to make it feel like that, instead of a waiting room. The old cliche is true- Home is where the heart is. I have a hard time putting in my heart into homes, like people who leave our lives, homes can leave a whole too. But I need to put a bit into it here, to mend my heart and hold my head together.

Forward Hoe!

Oh how I need to do more here. I want to do more here. I know I've lost many followers by moving from the journal, and I need to do the work to get others in here. But work is something I have plenty of in my daily life. Who doesn't. (oh how I wish there was a whimsical font that could set the mood for my jokes. Haha many don't get my jokes. I am known for my one hit wonders.)

Weekly link ups don't seem to be doing it so obviously I need to actually do some writing about something. Hopefully our life. My good intentions want me to work on this space tonight, but my logical mind, and desire to start my new book (the sequel to Peculiar Children), will probably have me procrastinating again.

(I wonder if those blog organizers I keep seeing on Pinterest really work, hmm?)

We're still homeschooling. Like many others, after the holidays we hit a bit of a rut. But I found a site that is working well for the girls, and I feel a bit more confident their going to stay on track with it. And we've started preschool for all the littles. Finding a groove, a rhythm. But staying in the week, as I know with the change of seasons will bring a change in us, our routine.

Movement, forward momentum. That's been our year so far.

The newest vehicle we've ever owned. Love having something reliable!

A business dream coming to a real start, moving towards a grand opening by summer.

An acceptance of living where we are, finding ways to make it better, and having hopes that these feelings are right. Faith. Hope.

A another step forward, albeit a scary one to think about. But to qualm the fears just a quick realiaztion that things change, we are not make of marble, and we can change our direction at any time. With the trials we endured in the last 3 years, there's very little we haven't already faced. But there will be more, because we are living life!

So even though today I'm feeling a little burnout with the week, I know it's just today. And life is good.

SNOW! Like the most I've expereinced here in the last 3 winters, is still on the ground, but melting. But still such a good thing to have had.

Surprises are everywhere this year!

{this moment}

Joining Amanda at Soulemama for

{this moment}

A Friday ritual.

 One photo-No words-Capturing a moment from the week.

 A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.